Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Left off the list

Image from here
My friend told me she got into another spot of trouble with a couple of Mum's from school over her daughter's birthday party. It seems her daughter left a girl from her current class, and one from her previous 'gang' off the invitation list.

Her daughter did this on purpose. She didn't want to include the two girls. Nobody wants to raise a mean daughter but isn't it her prerogative to invite who she wants? I'm not saying that what she did was right, but it is what it is.

So, both Mums emailed my friend. They were polite about it but they emailed my friend! It seems they wanted her to tweak the invite list to include their children. Two Mums did this. I can barely believe that one mother would.

When one of my children did not get invited to a child from school's party he really wanted to go to earlier this year, he begged me to call the Mum and get him an invite. He threatened to gate crash the party. I told him that people can choose to invite who they want to their party and if you aren't invited you have to respect their wishes. I know he was disappointed and hurt. But he learnt a lesson. You can't always get what you want.

When you have a birthday party for your child, do you invite the whole class?

When you do Christmas trinkets for your children's friends, do you make one for everyone?

We usually only invite the children's friends to a party but include everyone in the trinkets circle.

So what did my friend do in response to the emails I hear you ask? She invited the two girls of course. And apologised. And said it was an oversight. And she had a word to her daughter about being a 'mean girl'.

She is much nicer than I would have been.

What do you reckon? What would you have done?


16 comments:

Claire Hewitt said...

I had two four year olds ask me this week if they could come to Miss nearly 5s party.

THEY ARE FOUR, this is expected, I explained to them that we are having just a little party this year and we could only have a few children, but there were lots of thing happening and lots of Christmas parties on and they will have lots of things to attend.

They skipped off happily.

If the adults choose to act like four year olds, I suggest the same response.

And then I skip away.

Maxabella said...

Outrageous! Those mums need someone to have the "everyone gets to choose their friends" chat from their own mum!? That said, I insisted that the kids invite all the kids in Kindy - you need to give everyone a fair go. x

Jo @ Country Life Experiment said...

One time my daughter asked me could she attend a classmates party (to which she wasn't invited) in front of the kids mum. I told her no, and that the kids mum had worked out how many people could go to the party, and that my daughter would be too many.
She was happy with that answer.
The other mum was embarrassed that she didn't invite my girl, but I told her not to worry. My girl needs to learn that sometimes not everyone can go to parties etc.the other mum was so surprised that I didn't try and get my daughter invited. It was a good lesson for my girl to learn...

MultipleMum said...

Unbelievable isn't it? Glad to see it isn't confined to Sydney.

MultipleMum said...

You are much more generous than me. We've discussed this before. People suck though don't they!

Emily said...

I would like to think that I'd say sorry but that's how we're rolling and tough luck, but I'm not sure if I would. Ahhhh, all this and more politics to look forward to in the future!

(P.S. Flicking back through the posts. Loving them. Comments page not always loading though.)

MultipleMum said...

Totally agree. An awkward moment for you though :-(

MultipleMum said...

Be tough Emily! Comment will load when I moderate

Bianca Wordley said...

You can't protect your children from disappointment no matter how much your heart aches for them. You can however teach them how to deal with it. xxx

Sarah said...

I'm very surprised and a little embarrassed on behalf of the mothers who emailed. I'm not sure It's a good lesson to be teaching your children. we can't always have what we want.

MultipleMum said...

Wise words Bianca.

MultipleMum said...

Glad I am not the only one. I just wouldn't. Wrote the post to gauge if I am the only one who thought it a little helicopterish

emma @ frog, goose and bear said...

They emailed? Really? I always feel guilty that we don't invite more kids, but there is only so many that I can cope with and my child can cope with. For practical reasons you just need to draw the line somewhere. The trick is to try and not make a big deal re the party in front of others which is not always easy for young kids to remember.

MultipleMum said...

I agree Emma. You do have to draw the line. We use the age+1 equation at our place. Seems to work so far.

Allison Tait said...

If you're not invited, you're not invited. Maybe next time. As the least fun mum ever, who rarely has parties, I don't face the 'who to invite' quandry often.

Jen said...

I'm just reading Optimistic Child at the moment and the author says that we NEED to let children experience disappointments like this to help them build resilience otherwise they can struggle as adults and are at greater risk of depression.

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